Mary’s Nut House

…more?

Read the rest

Step 1. Fly to New York City. After dropping your bags in Cobble Hill, take the train to Williamsburg and get off at Bedford Avenue. Meander north to Greenpoint, making your way past the lofty glass condos that replaced your old block, through the once-weedy park that is now home to cultivated trees and popular music events. Experience a small thrill upon seeing the first apteka sign; think back to your arrival in Krakow and the excitement of tasting new words, bar mleczny and przepraszam. Make your way to the Polish liquor store on the corner by the Greenpoint Ave. G stop. Purchase a bottle of Żubrówka, also known as ‘bison grass vodka.’ Wrap it carefully in a pair of jeans, place it in a duffel bag, and check it at the airport when you fly home.

Read the rest

…or, “My best friend got married in New York City this weekend and the only pictures I took were of street detritus and the subway.”

Q: Why isn’t the train coming? What do I do? What’s going on?
A: Deal with it.

Read the rest

…it’s not my favorite skyscraper, it’s not the roof of the Met, it’s not the bridges, it’s not the statuary. Mostly it’s the bleary light on the tiles and the free papers in the gutter and the sharp smell of dyed carnations. It’s the traffic island at the mouth of Second Avenue and the sensation of giving yourself over to other people’s movement.

My point is, New York, I’ll see you tomorrow. It’s been a while and I want to get real mundane with you.

Item! Carrie Tryharder is running a sweet summer contest, and you have until Friday, July 3 to enter.
Details are as follows:

The task: Turn this spam headline into something entertaining: Police end funereal striptease acts.
The format: Short story, comic, photo essay, pop tune, whatever, as long as it is bloggable
The prize: A box of awesome from tryharderland sent straight to your door!
The deadline: Friday, July 3

Want to enter? Of course you do. Go here.

Item! Tri-named virtuoso John Dermot Woods has a sweet offer for those who pre-order his forthcoming novel by July 15.
Details go a little something like this:

My novel (with drawings), The Complete Collection of people, places & things, is being published by BlazeVOX Books next month. To celebrate we’re offering the book for $12 with free shipping (that’s 25% off) to everyone who pre-orders by July 15. AND, the first 50 people who order will also receive:
- a signed and numbered silkscreen print, to commemorate the book’s release
- a personalized copy with a signed, limited edition book plate

Take advantage of John’s generosity right here.

Item! I once played a newsboy in a production of Irwin Shaw’s Bury the Dead. My only line was “Extry, extry, read all about it!”
Delivered with gusto, and a little tweed cap.

It’s the gift that will never ever stop giving.

Via the Organic Trade Association.

Well well, remember the second tag on this post? Yeah, looks like someone I work with was on that concept months ago. (Click the link and scroll down to resolution #7.) And no, I hadn’t noticed that post before, but it’s pretty clearly a sign from the universe.

ps. Mary, did you wake up this morning and start googling “rock opera” + “Lehman Brothers” “Bear Stearns,” almost before the coffee started brewing? MAYBE. POSSIBLY. Not telling.

Obviously — obviously — I saw and bookmarked the WaPo “where is he now” story on John Edwards. And obviously (obviously!) I made mental note of the money quote:

Yet as he spends his days in his family’s mansion on the outskirts of Chapel Hill, N.C., Edwards can’t help but fret about how Washington and the country are getting on in his absence.

That John Edwards! Always thinking of others, etc. etc.

Read the rest

Ha, so, this. I don’t condone crazed overreaction to innocent mistakes, nor do I “row with a lot of other women who share the same first name,” but I may as well take this opportunity to lay out the guidelines for using my nickname, which, if you have to ask “what’s your nickname,” the answer is no.

I would like to dedicate this list to the hapless intern who could’ve used it.

Approved for nickname clearance:

• Relatives, including and limited to parents, sibling, aunts, uncles, first cousins.
• Anyone who was my doubles partner on the Waterville Senior High tennis team.
• Anyone who contributed to my zine. Oh, and Mike and Trey (who I think just ran ads, but count anyway).
• Anyone who lived on a hill in Worcester between the years 1995 and 1999 AND took classes with my favorite professor OR lived in Hanselman in 1994 or 1995 AND doesn’t suck.
• Anyone with whom I have been in a band (that has played at least one show in public).
• Anyone who has spent more than half an hour on the roof of 510 Clinton St. AND knows at least three people who have been on the lease there.
• Anyone with whom I have spent more than one hour in a coffee shop within the past two years, on more than two occasions.

Not approved for nickname clearance:

• Everyone else.

While I’m at it, NO:

• “Where’s your lamb?”
• “How does your garden grow?”
• Blah blah blah “contrary”
• “Why you buggin’?”
• “Along comes”
• Blah blah blah hyphen confusing wah wah punctuation in name it’s too complicated, little dash-shaped mark, cannot process

YES:

• “It’s a grand old name!”